The last time I was in Bed, two guys approached me at the same time. One was on my right and other on my left. Both were brushing their hands against mine. The guys looked pleasing enough for me so I decided to entertain them. I initially let our pinkies hook. After a while I was holding hand with two guys. The guy on my right started a conversation. He ended up asking for my number and asking if we could go home together since we’re both from QC.

The other guy was moving my hand towards his crotch, a gesture I didn’t like. I let go of the second guy’s hand. I continued my conversation with the first guy asking him which way he was going. Of course I’m trying to find out if we’ll take the same route. He seemed surprised with my question. The way he looked at me suggests he wanted me to go home with him. Of course, I could have misread him. He then asked me if I knew the guy on my left. I told him not. I forgot that he has friends nearby so even if he didn’t see me holding hands with the other guy, his friends would have. After a while he talked to his friends and that was the last I saw of him.

Sometimes, we are presented with options to choose from. You can either choose one, try to have a few or all, or reject all options. I was trying to have them both. Unfortunately, I can’t always have my cake and eat it, too, especially not when people are involved. We must really be good in decision making otherwise we just have to live with our bad decisions.

Lately (as always) I’m forced to decide once again on who to keep or who to let go. I don’t know if it’s the right decision but I’m making my life simpler. Trying to keep some people in my life feels wrong.

CHOOSING FRIENDS

I’m ending my association with a group of PLU I used to hang out with last summer. I didn’t like the tension between the members. I didn’t like some activities (bar hopping and unplanned out of town trips). I like those activities but I don’t want to do them that often. I didn’t like the task given to me: coordinating members. They should have asked me if I liked it before they assigned me to do the job. It’s not like they pay me.

I’d rather enjoy time with my PEx friends. Movies, dinners, chats over coffee, bowling, etc. Those are my kind of things. I also like that no one has to take on a lead role. The coordinator volunteers and is not assigned. I also like that we get to communicate through the site even if we failed to join the activities. I also like that the people their knows how to think and speak for themselves and are willing to respect others.

Between the two groups I chose the PEx barkada.

CHOOSING LOVERS

For over two months now, I’ve been dating two guys, Sam and James. I find it hard to commit to either one because I think neither one can handle a relationship with me. Last night, I was thinking where I’m going with these guys. I realized that I’m not going anywhere with them, especially not Sam. I decided to text both of them. I asked them to seriously talk the next time we meet.

I decided to stop dating Sam. I don’t think he values me the way I wanted to be valued. I’ve talked to him about this before. I didn’t see him change a bit. He had his second chance so I’m letting go. I still have to tell him that.

I can feel James values me when we are together. He calls me bebe, mahal and labs. I can’t deny my attraction to him but I don’t think he really loves me. I really doubt him. I’m willing to talk to James about what we want from each other and what compromises we can make. I’m also open to the idea that it might not work out because I don’t think he can change.

I can’t choose between Sam and James.  I’m more willing to wait for a new guy. It feels right letting them both go.

I choose not to spread myself too thin.